* DOES YOUR PARTNER ...
- Hit, punch, slap, kick, shove or hurt you in other ways?
- Force or pressure you into sexual acts you don’t like?
- Threaten to hurt you, your friends, or your family if you don’t do what he/she wants?
- Damage your reputation by spreading rumors and telling your secrets?
- Have sudden outbursts of anger or rage?
- Become insanely jealous for no reason?
- Prevent you from hanging with friends and family?
- Prevent you from doing what you want when you want?
- Insult you or call you names that hurt?
- Tell you what to wear or not to wear?
- Freak out over every day issues?
- Blame others for his/her problems?
- Text you 1,000 times a day: “WHERE U AT? WHO U WITH? ”
*Be true to yourself, if it feels wrong it is wrong! If your partners’ behavior has you second guessing your answers, please consider calling our 24 hr, confidential hotline:
Personal Bill of Rights
~for your relationship~
- I have the right to be treated with respect
- I have the right to express my opinions
- I have the right to show feelings
- I have the right to have other friends and outside interests
- I have the right to privacy and time alone
- I have the right to say no
- I have the right to refuse to go out with someone without being made to feel guilty
- I have the right to ask if I want physical closeness
- I have the right to say no if I don’t want physical closeness
- I have the right to start a relationship slowly
- I have the right to be myself without changing to suit others
- I have the right to change or end a relationship; to say, “We used to be close, but I want something else now.”
- I have the right to tell my partner that violence will not be tolerated
- I have the right to not be dominated nor to dominate
- I have the right to spend time with my male and female friends even if my partner does not want me to
Adapted from: The Assault Crisis Center; 2340 East Stadium Drive; Ann Arbor, MI
=DON’T GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS=
Why is Teen Dating Violence Different than Adult DV?
- The excitement found in being in love for the first time may blind a teen to the warning signs of an abusive partner.
- No personal prior experiences to compare their relationship to.
- Outside influences from the media (tv, music, movies, etc…) display unhealthy images of rigid gender roles, stereotypes, and crazy-making love affairs.
- A victim is often unable to avoid the abuser because they go to the same school, live in the same neighborhood, or hang in the same group of friends.
- Nobody wants to be told what to do, so a teen may be hesitant to seek help from parents, teachers and other authority figures for fear of having their freedom and independence taken away
- Parents have been known to freak out because they love you and don’t want you to get hurt, and then be on your case all the time about where you’re going, who’ll be there, and the third degree about how you’re feeling.
- Adults have legal options for Orders of Protection which may be unavailable to teens or possibly only if their parents or guardians consent. This is especially difficult for a teen who doesn’t want to tell their parents.
WARNING SIGNS: ABUSIVE PEOPLE
Am I or is my partner a person who…
- * Was or is abused by a parent?
- * Grew up witnessing domestic violence in their own family?
- Rushes into relationships, gets serious very quickly?
- Says things like: “I love you!” too early in the relationship
- Comes on really strong, intensely charming, overly smooth talker?
- Is extremely jealous?
- Wants to keep partner all to themselves. Tries to keep partner from friends, family, family or other outside activities?
- Attempts to control what partner wears, who they talk to, or where they go?
- Is abusive toward other people, at school, with friends, or at home?
- Blames others for their own actions or failures?
- Abuses drugs or alcohol?
- Has unrealistic expectations of how partner should act?
- Expects partner to always be their idea of ‘perfect’
- Is manipulative by being overly sensitive?
- Acts ‘hurt’ when things aren’t going his/her way, takes offense when others don’t agree with his/her opinion, gets upset at small inconveniences that he/she should be able to handle
- Has ever been cruel to animals?
- Has been abusive to a girlfriend or boyfriend in the past?
- Has ever threatened violence, even if it wasn’t a ‘serious’ threat?
- Calls partner names, curses at or puts him/her down?
- Has unpredictable mood swings?
- Instantly changes from being nice to exploding with anger
- If male, believes women are inferior to men and should obey them?
- Is intimidating by aggressive body language and yelling?
- Punches walls, breaking things, chest puffed up
- Holds partner against his/her will to keep from walking away?
* Numbers 1 & 2 do not mean that a person will definitely be abusive. The majority of children who grow up in abusive homes choose not to be abusive as adults. However, these children have a higher risk of being involved in abusive relationships than children who do not witness Domestic Violence.